I had a botched phone battery replacement once resulting in the phone getting replaced very unexpectedly. It was a nightmare trying to get everything back together because I stupidly used google authenticator, which is tied to the specific phone it’s on. Not tying it to the device is the way to go.

I put novelty testicles on all my vehicles. Trailer hitch, rearview mirror, keychain, dick decals that say “CUM and take it,” but I don’t let the balls touch because that would just be gay.

Felt Against The Machine

Unleaded tastes a little tangy, supreme is kinda sour, and diesel tastes pretty good.

When my 2018 MBP touch bar glitched and a replacement was the whole-ass “upper case” including the battery, I knew we were cooked. Meanwhile, in my old 2012 MacBook pro I’m swapping parts like a madman to enjoy it, like you should.

*the ones who will admit to beating their wives

Proverbs for Paranoids

1. You may never get to touch the Master, but you can tickle his creatures.
2. The innocence of the creatures is in inverse proportion to the immorality of the Master.
3. If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don’t have to worry about answers.
4. You hide, they seek.
5. Paranoids are not paranoid because they’re paranoid, but because they keep putting themselves, fucking idiots, deliberately into paranoid situations.

—Thomas Pynchon, Gravity’s Rainbow

Thank god they don’t dump mayo— I mean, “yum yum sauce” — on everything at Waffle House

“I love the taste of glowie boot and will fellate some leather to completion when you come knocking, but first, crimes”

That’s French toast erasure.

I think there might be a caveat here: when doing peer-to-peer, the insurance side often doesn’t give their names. This was a tactic used when I worked the phones at a company that would occasionally get subpoenaed— never give our name, document what was said, then hand it off to our supervisors who would go in our place as “operator 17” and read off our notes as the totality of the statement. I have zero faith in the insurance companies to have any sort of integrity here, and suspect they’d use a similar tactic to justify any decision making.

It’s big, it’s heavy, it’s wood!

“Big man, strong man, he came to me, came to me with tears in his eyes…”

This stuff is bangin

Just one more day of medication overuse migraine bro, I promise

“In summary, this airman, although talented, will not be guided by policy.”

Second Emisar. I suggest looking through ZeroAir for some recommendations on where to get started with chargers. Or if you’re a masochist who likes details, this is pretty thorough.

If we’re going mutually assured destruction we’re going high CRI