My girlfriend had computer RAM in her purse. That is now why she is my wife.

Through my mental fog lies a Souls boss waiting to destroy all who attempt to enter (including me).

Awww…She looks just like you!

Me at the grocery store yesterday: “These cookies look delicious! And they’re 90% off!”

Wife: “Those are lactation cookies…”

Me: “I didn’t know that was a thing… They still look good though…”

That, or you’d get crushed alive since the car wasn’t designed to actually protect you…

https://youtu.be/C_r5UJrxcck

People like this drive me crazy.

LaRosa’s Pizza for me!

Women are so cute and beautiful but I think they are talking about getting their horse in a koozie

Now to stick him in the closet until winter

Indefinite crying for me!

Pizza Lover’s pizza

I hope they have their permit