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Joined 2 years ago
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Cake day: August 9th, 2023

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  • There are two sides to this.

    One side is the speaker, who is responsible for not saying something hurtful. This is obviously flexible depending on history with the listener, the listeners stated preferences, and the context of the speech. (For example, my youngest and I routinely greet each other extremely harshly, and to an outside listener it would sound like abusive language. But to us it’s just friendly banter.)

    The other side is the… listener? I don’t know how to refer to this side tbh. Anyway, they have a responsibility to tell the other person when something hurtful has been said. Because the speaker has no real way to know hurt has been caused unless they are told.

    So if the speaker calls the listener dude, and the listener never says “hey I don’t really like being called dude” that’s on the listener. But if the hearer does state that, and the listener continues to call them dude, that’s on the speaker.

    That got weirdly complex in my brain at the end for some reason so I hope I made sense.


  • There’s a difference between “I treat dude as a gender neutral term” and “I will not be respecting your direct request” though.

    One is an opinion, the other is a statement of intent. You can both treat dude as a gender neutral term in your daily life, and respect someone’s wish to not be referred to as dude. They are not mutually exclusive.


  • I tend to only call guys dude, unless it’s more of a “dude what is going on” where “dude” isn’t actually referencing anyone in particular.

    That said, I do say “guys” a lot for an all inclusive grouping.

    Thought… I’m not really going to ask random people what they want me to refer to them as, and I’m also not going to start assuming I know who is trans/non binary. I don’t really want people asking me, either. Take a guess, if you guess wrong I’ll let you know. And I’d hope for the same from others.

    The only time I’d really take offense is the second time, since that shows a clear disregard for my preferences. Well, disregard or malice.