We don’t boil our pancakes.

Madison Cawthorn? The gun-toting sex-pest who got caught driving without a license Madison Cawthorn?!

https://youtu.be/m_9hfHvQSNo

My grandmother’s will said “you can donate my body to the university, and if they don’t need it then I hear the state police can use it to train dogs to find corpses, and that’s good too.”

Good ad campaign, too.

Unihertz Jelly Star! I bought one solely to use as an mp3 player, but I got very close to it becoming my regular full-time phone.

Playboy models were hotter back in the sixties and early seventies, before cocaine, implants, and bleach blonde hair became the norm.

Evolve the standard mug into a Corningware meal mug.

It’s large enough for a full meal-sized serving, the lid is robust as fuck, and they come in multiple fun colors. You can microwave the shit out of it and the handle won’t get hot.

Look up the trial of Rudolf Höss, the commandant of Auschwitz.

For what he did, there would have been every justification to shoot him in the head and leave his body in a ditch on the side of the road. But instead, we put him on trial, and we got the following statements out of the guy:

My conscience compels me to make the following declaration. In the solitude of my prison cell, I have come to the bitter recognition that I have sinned gravely against humanity. As Commandant of Auschwitz, I was responsible for carrying out part of the cruel plans of the ‘Third Reich’ for human destruction. In so doing I have inflicted terrible wounds on humanity. I caused unspeakable suffering for the Polish people in particular. I am to pay for this with my life. May the Lord God forgive one day what I have done. I ask the Polish people for forgiveness. In Polish prisons I experienced for the first time what human kindness is. Despite all that has happened I have experienced humane treatment which I could never have expected, and which has deeply shamed me. May the facts which are now coming out about the horrible crimes against humanity make the repetition of such cruel acts impossible for all time.

…and (in a letter to his wife before his execution):

Based on my present knowledge I can see today clearly, severely and bitterly for me, that the entire ideology about the world in which I believed so firmly and unswervingly was based on completely wrong premises and had to absolutely collapse one day. And so my actions in the service of this ideology were completely wrong, even though I faithfully believed the idea was correct.

…and (in the same letter, to his children):

Keep your good heart. Become a person who lets himself be guided primarily by warmth and humanity. Learn to think and judge for yourself, responsibly. Don’t accept everything without criticism and as absolutely true… The biggest mistake of my life was that I believed everything faithfully which came from the top, and I didn’t dare to have the least bit of doubt about the truth of that which was presented to me. … In all your undertakings, don’t just let your mind speak, but listen above all to the voice in your heart.

We wouldn’t have any of that if we had treated Höss like an animal, rather than a human being.

If you’re lookin’ for a ride, I’ve a horse outside.

Fucking memetic cognitohazards…

Gif of Akhnai

Dice up a bit of fresh garlic. Put some Sriracha on there. Get creative and indulgent! The frozen pizza is the beginning of wisdom, not the end of it.

I do my WICK check.

W - Wallet

I - Information device (phone / mp3 player)

C - Cup (travel mug of coffee)

K - Keys

Then I get to my car and I remember that I forgot something else important so I have to go back.

First one is standard Trump posture.

Which means that every villain in that room fully believes that is the sort of thing that Croc would say.

My last raise was by $1 / hour. Accounting for inflation, even with the raise, I’m making $3 / hour less than I was when I last got a raise. I’m working for a little mom and pop business and they are good people, but they cannot do basic economic math.

That was literally how a good chunk of recorded human history did it, except with weak beer or diluted wine.