I think the “I’m baby” is the result of using voice to text while she’s in the car on the way home. I don’t think she’s crafting messages in a way usual of anyone. She is spending the minimum amount of time on the phone to let her daughter know she has been heard, then focusing the rest of her energy on getting back there asap.

Fold your phone in to a paper plane to enter airplane mode. It won’t stop you from receiving calls, but it will look badass when your $2000 Samsung phone makes it several feet down the cul-de-sac

In order to call your mom, you have to:

Pick a color

Pick a number

Pick a number

Pick a number

No, not that number, Nora just did that and it’s not funny to get the same one twice

Okay, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5… Flips open page

You’re a turd

Wanna try again?

I was born in 96. My first console generation was PSX and GBC, followed by GBA and PS2. I think your gf just wasn’t in to gaming when she was little.

Go back to try again, now that you have confirmation the old password was, in fact, correct:

Wrong password

“Non-smoking”

Gets seated at the border next to 4 heavy smokers anyway 🙃

Also, sitting in the smoking section of the airplane. Like, how insane is that? Not only does it seem like a grotesque idea to light fire in a metal bird thousands of feet in the sky at hundreds of nautical miles per hour. But you also can’t exactly crack open a window. What a terrible experience.

It’s gonna have come and went before the decade has passed

Or “hey” or “oi” or “INITIATING HUMAN SPEECH PROTOCOL”

sniffs

I would genuinely love to try this one day. I just want to know what it’s like.

Stellar reference

What kind of shit barbers do you guys all go to lol

This is of course in addition to the goggles he wears over his eyes