comfortablyglum

And God forbid you move too fast for the machine to keep up! Fucking “modern” technology.

Spying on the pussy next door.

Absolutely this. Roombas are like stupid puppies; you think you have the house roomba proof, only to come home to find it stuck in some obscure corner, whining pathetically.

I can’t poop and browse at the same time.

There is a ton of shaming done. Politicians, ceos, newspaper headlines bitching about how no one wants to work, how people need to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, how a major economic depression with 50% joblessness will teach workers to appreciate their jobs and their bosses more.

While at the same time telling us to stop buying daily coffees and making avocado toast. Just another way to fuck us up.

I miss these being as ridiculous as headlines got.

Who eats their hotdogs cold?!

You may jest, but pet food companies know it’s not just about what a cat wants, but what is also appealing to the owner. Plus, companies know pet owners will spend more if they feel like they’re spoiling their beloved companion; mouse fricassee doesn’t have the same connontation.

I bet he practiced in the mirror.

How did he think putting a smartphone in the fridge would get the sim out?

Push me…