You know, I never considered it before but you really have opened my eyes. My marriage is a sham. I’m going to talk to her tonight about dissolving the relationship. I can’t believe I’ve been so blind. Thank you for being the light in the darkness. Maybe now we can both begin to heal.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

I eat mop.

…

You said you eat ur poo

Fair point. Like I said I know I’m not perfect. Believe me I understand addiction. That said, there must come a day when you decide you are no longer going to do a thing. You can wean all you want, but one day you are a smoker and one day you are not. It doesn’t need to be more complicated than that. Yes it will suck, but your addiction has put your comfort on a credit card. That bill needs to be paid. You will be uncomfortable but that’s the price.

Yeah I’m not doing any of that. I stopped smoking 18 years ago the day I said I don’t want to do it anymore. She stopped smoking 12 years ago by just not doing it any more. Quitting is a choice to feel like shit for a reason. You choose to feel like shit every day with the hope that one day you’ll feel slightly less like shit. You either do something or you don’t do something. There is no such thing as “weaning” off.

This issue isn’t rising to the point of leaving. There is nothing in the world that would make me leave her. I disapprove of her decision to keep smoking. I am disappointed that she knows how to quit and refuses to do so again. There is definitely an issue here, but at the end of the day I can’t and won’t force her to do anything. I am definitely not without my faults too. It pisses me off, but I’m not going to go all high horse on her.

But honestly, I don’t know what to do about it. I do have a low level resentment about it, but we really do have a great relationship otherwise.

I get it 100%. The circumstances that led to her quitting the first time (a medical thing) aren’t able to be replicated. Also, the circumstances of her relapse (her father’s death) were sharp to say the least.

Where do you draw the line? At what point do you say, “this is us.” “That is not us.” ? I could just as easily turn a blind eye to hoarding. It’s not dissimilar. But I refuse to live like people who live in garbage. If my wife was addicted to piles of junk, few would argue against me taking a stand against it. Pick an addiction; they all have social connotations. What if she was an abusive alcoholic? I can say no to that right? What if she was a functional alcoholic? Am I within my rights as a husband to put conditions on behaviors that represent “us”?

The family I grew up in has a zero smoking policy. I have a zero smoking policy. I love my wife, but I will never support her addiction.

I’m trying not to to be an asshole about it. She knows my stance and I’m not budging. That said, I don’t throw it in her face. In fact, I only told her once that I won’t do the vow renewal until she quits. We have an otherwise perfect marriage.

We haven’t had the vape conversation, but I’m not in favor of that either. You don’t quit drinking by switching from beer to vodka. I honestly don’t know how I would feel about her switching to vape. I hate the smell of her addiction but that’s not my biggest issue. I hate the effect on her health but that’s not the complete picture either. I hate the concept of a smoking addiction. It’s not my identity, and I don’t want it to be the identity of us as a couple. We are blue collar AF, but I still feel like her smoking diminishes us.

I used to be proud of her for quitting and staying quit. Now I’m not anymore.

My wife and my 10th anniversary is coming up this year. She quit smoking before we got married. Years later I told her how proud I was of her quitting because it would have been a requirement of mine before saying our vows.

5 years ago she started smoking again when her father died of COVID. I was patient with her in the beginning but I have become increasingly frustrated with her unwillingness to quit. We have been looking forward to a 10th anniversary vow renewal but I told her I won’t do it unless she quits. I told her I wouldn’t have married a smoker. I will not remarry her while she is a smoker.

Am I being an asshole here?

Lol. I searched the comments until I found the Skippy reference. None of these filthy monkeys have any idea of the awesomeness they are missing out on.