ArugulaZ

Good, the kill-billies can take a ride on the electric chair.

Busta WOOF!

SORRY, I THOUGHT YOU WERE ELON MUSK. END STATEMENT.

There are too many of these goddamned social networks anyway. After Twitter/X exploded, everyone else wanted to grab a piece of that pie, and now we’ve got a dozen social networks nobody uses.

If you want a progressive social network that doesn’t take shit from goosesteppers, Cohost is probably the place to go. It’s so neurodivergent and trans-friendly that I can’t imagine them blithely accepting Nazi content. It’s just not how Cohost works. “Blah blah blah, free speech!” Not here, chumps. We’ve got standards. Go somewhere else to push that poison.

That just sounds like an even scarier prehistoric version of Donald Trump. “Unga bunga! Me Make Poland great again!”

You’re not motivated to pay them fair wages either, so hey.

Go have a charged lemonade on me, Cue Ball. In fact, have three… I think that’s the lethal dose.

Shoot ink on paper. That’s all you need to do. Don’t give me a built in screen, or onerous firmware, or any of that nonsense.

Remember when Domino’s Pizza admitted that their pizza was shit, and that they’d work really hard to make it less shit? How’d that work out for them?

You Young Republican types are so incredibly worthless. “Tolerant left! Tolerant left! Rawk! Polly want a cracker!” My cockatiel gives me more scintillating conversation.

Some of us aren’t that left-wing (although you suit, tie, and white hood types couldn’t possibly comprehend that), and we’re certainly not tolerant of your dumb asses. The only shred of “tolerance” I’m showing you right now is mandated by the rules of this magazine. If the rules weren’t there, I’d tell you to change your name to Mike Pence and do what comes naturally to a seditionist. (Hypothetically, of course.)

It has its moments. Mostly it’s an allegory about the difficulties immigrants face when assimilating into American culture.

(sighs, takes chain whip and cross-shaped boomerang out of his closet)

Eddie Murphy needs to rough him up and throw him into a piano again.

He probably reads Dilbert, too.

As a fan of game shows, I have a great admiration for Wayne Brady. He’s genuinely good at being a master of ceremonies… unlike some other improv comedians who got game shows. Drew Carey. Cough. Cough.

You either die a hero or live long enough to become… Dave Chappelle.

Who was that other guy with the bowl haircut who was Mitch Hedberg Lite? I was hoping he’d stick around for a while, but the last time I saw him in anything, he was the polar bear in Three Bare Bears.

The name checks out

I know how to handle this! Hannibal Buress to the bur-rescue!

In the case of Dave Chappelle, it’s a lot less than people expected.

I’m convinced that when he left his Comedy Central show and went to Africa to get back in touch with his roots, he was bitten by a radioactive Thurston Howell.

Pro-Nazi content. In other words, Elon’s own posts.